Monday, 22 November 2010

you are the death inside us all. youarethedeathinsideusall.
lovemeloveme love me love me me me love me love me stay love me stay

you are the death inside us all

temptation to derail, no no no staystaystaystaystaystaystaystay love me love me love me hate me love me feel me
love me love me let me go statystaystaystaystaystaystaystay and derail with me
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhold it down there is not much you can do staystaystay love me lovelovelovelovelovehatelovelovelove me

lovelovelovelovelovelovelove me love me love me love me lovemelovemelovemelovemeloveme kill me leave me

Saturday, 20 November 2010

Finding all sorts beautiful

It's been a while since I shared music. Here's a very nice playlist of some dnb (drum & bass) and mellow dubstep that I find extemely beautiful.

  1. Heavy Metal (TGunn remix) by Deep Focus: (original is great as well, and would be on this list if it weren't for the repetitiveness).
  2. Beautiful Lies by B-Complex:
  3. Starlight by Netsky:
  4. 2-1 (Murdok remix) by Imogen Heap:
  5. Killing for Love (Beatfanatic remix) by Jose Gonzalez:
  6. Windows by Mutated Forms and Netsky:
  7. Space Time by Delta Heavy:
  8. Deepest Blue by Memro:
  9. Chance by Tarot:
  10. Pass Out (Stinkahbell Spliff remix) by Tinie Tempah:
Hope you check them out, some may tickle your fancy, or punch you in the fanny, whatever rocks your boat.
Have a nice day, ladies and fellas.

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Cut by Sylvia Plath

The poem Cut by Sylvia Plath is about how she cut her finger while cutting onions, presumably by mistake (however with her you never know if it was or was not by accident). A simple cut would hardly provoke much emotion, yet Plath exaggerates it to make it seem more dramatic than necessary. For example, at the end of the poem she calls her cut thumb a "thump stump," a blunt and almost insulting conclusion to the poem. However, from the first and second stanza we know that she did not cut her thumb to a stump, but merely skinned it, cutting a piece that was a "flap like a hat."

In the first line of the poem Plath says "What a thrill-." She may be referring to either the rush of adrenaline she got from the pain, or she is being sarcastic. Considering that cutting your thumb while cutting onions is a very day-to-day event, she is probably sarcastic.

She seems to like giving her damaged thumb personalities. In lines 9-10 she calls it a little pilgrim, "the Indian's axed your scalp," referring to when the white pilgrims were being attacked by Indians and their scalps were removed, much like the way she cut off the tip of her thumb.

In line 12 she says "carpet rolls," referring to the way the blood rolls out of the cut, like unrolling a red carpet. She then goes on to explain how she put pressure on the wound and applied a disinfectant. The words she uses, like "pink fizz" gives the whole thing a sense of glamour with red carpets and fizzy champagne. She even calls it a celebration.

However, she then goes on to say "out of a gap, a million soldiers run, redcoats everyone." Once again she is describing the flow of blood once the disinfectant has been applied. The blood fizzes, and runs like a million redcoat soldiers, drawing connections again with American history. This time she refers to the Revolutionary war, she is asking whose side the soldiers are on, a confusing question since looking at American history the redcoats were British soldiers (of whom yes, some were traitors but most were not).

After that, in lines 22 onwards she becomes more dramatic. She says her thumb is making her feel ill and that she has taken a pill to kill the papery feeling she has now that she cut off a bit of skin that is still attached to her thumb. This of course is ridiculous because the papery feeling is not painful. Even if she was alluding to the fact that the loss of blood has maken her feel thin, she could not have lost that much blood from cutting her finger.

She refers to her thumb as a kamikaze man (she keeps switching the gender of the thumb, calling it both a man and a girl), almost saying that her thumb brought it upon itself. The poem has taken a complete turn here, her thumb/the cut has changed from an innocent victim and a celebration, and she now compares her white, pale skin to the gauze of a member of the Ku Klux Klan. She says her blood is tarnishing the gauze and forming a babushka (Russian for a headscarf tied under the chin). Babuska could also refer to a Matryoska doll, with layers and layers of skin that is being tarnished by the blood.

In the second to last stanza Plath is basically describing how the blood flow is coming to an end, the blood is drying, "confronting its small mill of silence."

In the last stanza we get an echo of the very first two lines. With the same effect as sarcasm in the first stanza, she is now self-condemning. "How you jump-" may either refer to herself when she cut her thumb, jumping back from surprise, or she may be making fun of her thumb. Both make sense, as next she calls her thumb names "Trepanned veteran." Each means something different. Sylvia refers to her thumb as a trepanned veteran who has lost his mind, as if the cut was enough for her thumb to lose its mind. "Dirty girl, Thump stump" refers to herself and is full of self-loathing, finishing the poem that began innocently enough with something painful, short and real.

Themes: sarcasm, filth in blood lines, death, self-loathing.

Comments on style: she avoid a lot of commas towards the end, as if she was frantically saying the lines, really fast, as if she was "freaking out." In the beginning she uses more punctuation, making everything seem more deliberate and thought through.

Saturday, 13 November 2010

Not interesting

It's been over a week, sorry about that. I haven't had anything to say, so instead I'll post a list of some all right films for you to watch.

A Beautiful Mind

The Oxford Murders

Son of Sam

Green River Killer


And that is all today, folks.

Thursday, 4 November 2010

rexia rosa

It might come as a surprise to some of you, some of you who see me as strong and independent and anti-conformist and what not, but I've had this thing for a while. Well, I had it, but now I don't, and now I hate that I had it. It's this small little thing called Anorexia nervosa.
Now here,


Yes, you have that out of the way. You can now continue reading.

When I was 15 I was nice and curvy, a bit too soft here and there but with a nice rack and enough to hold on to. I was pretty confident too. Then I moved to America. The thing about America is that either you're fat, or you're anorexic. If you're not fat, you're so afraid of getting fat you go anorexic. That's the way it is, there is no way around it (unless you have an exception gene or something).

The problem is though, "But Kristiina I thought you lived in Holland?" I do.

I moved here on January 1st, 2010, and have lived here ever since. Yet here my weight loss didn't stop, it continued just the same. In short, in the past two years I've gone from 60kg (a lot of boobage weight, remember) to 50kg. I don't like it.

I don't like how my hip bones stick out like the pelvis of a starving dog, I don't like knowing that I have at least 5 bras in my drawer that are at least a cup size too large now, I don't like seeing my collarbones outlined like crossbones on a pirate flag, I don't like any of it.

Most of all I don't like my rib cage sticking out. I don't have a flat tummy, I have a caved in one. The worst bit is that I still have a lot of body fat, so I'm bony but I'm soft. I hate all of it. I want my tits back, I want my ribcage to stay in, I want my collarbones to look normal... It's made me uncoordinated and clumsy, because I still move and behave as if I weighed the same amount I used to.

I hate it. I want my boobs back.
But I'm totally over it.

Monday, 1 November 2010

doing time for thought crime

I am becoming more and more paranoid of the world. Anyone who has read any of my longer or more passionate blog posts will know that I am an ardent anti-religionist and strong atheist. 
Before now, I'd always been quite okay with religion, thinking that since this is the 21st century, the mighty 2000's, the time of rapid scientific advancement and discovery, this sort of ridiculous thinking was dying out.


Contrary to what I thought, religious extremes are not dying out but growing. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY. People are becoming more and more afraid, and are losing their wonder for the world. They want to believe in something more, in something extra. Human life, and human values, and humanity itself is NOT good enough for them. Where is this coming from? Why are we not enough? Why is THIS not enough?

Extreme Evangelist Christians in the United States are at a rapid raise. These people are ridiculous. They establish bans on childrens books- Harry Potter is banned (witchcraft is of the devil), they scar children by making them believe their friends and family are going to burn in an eternal fire for silly things, teaching their children plain nonsense and most of all- not letting people, children mostly, enjoy their life. Then these people grow up, create offspring and pass on these ideas. 
These people wish to create an Evangelist Christian militia that aims to eliminate people of other religions and of no religion. These people will badger you and bug you to accept their views (which are completely ridiculous and erroneous, by the way) or they will condemn you.

Does this sound familiar? Yes, it sounds like every other major religion; Judaism, Islam, Christianity, Catholicism, Hinduism, etc.

I used to be an advocate for free belief. I still am. Yet there's a limit. You have the right to freedom of religion, of belief, of speech, of life of whatever. But the kids being brainwashed lack this freedom. They don't get freedom of choice, they don't choose their beliefs. And this makes me sick to my stomach. These people are are the dog that bite off your hand when you offer them a pellet. 

The world is becoming polarised. Perhaps
  1. These people will end up killing each other and the rest of us can continue to live and finally rid the world of idiocy
  2. These people will kill us and then end up killing each other
  3. One group of these people will kill everyone and take over
  4. People will come to their senses and there's a happy ending
  5. The rest of us can try to stop the brainwashing of children into believing what their parents believe, and slow down the polarisation of theists!
Today I support Richard Dawkins and the atheist bus and billboards.
(yeah you can't actually click the donate today, don't worry).