Friday, 4 March 2011

Repair Man

I've felt like my life is a bit of a...shambles lately. I dart around from one side of the room to the other, frantic little beady eyes flashing like strobe lights, lids closing and lips twitching- like. One day I feel fine the other I want to jump off the edge of the world if the world were still flat. This happens because I have let it happen, and I am the cause of it myself, or not all of it, but I let it go on.

I am fixing things, all of what bothers me. My family is one, and I've already started with that, earning their trust and perhaps, hopefully, soon they will like me again. It starts off with little things like Khukhu said, sitting with them to watch a film and smiling when they crack a joke regardless of whether it is amusing or not, and keeping my mouth shut when I wish to say something sarcastic. So far it is working well, and I'm not too miserable faking.

Another one is I need to work to get what I want. There is a friend I have lost that I want to get back. There is a friend I wish to re-friend. And so I will. Sometimes, like Khukhu said, all you need to do to fix things is be yourself and it falls into place. Sometimes. Yes, he is probably right in this case, but perhaps I need to let it shine a little more. A little more sunshine into your life.

I can do this, because I am Kristiina. I can get into universities I want to get into, as long as it is realistic. If I got it once, I can get it again.
Everyone gets a second chance, except at life.
So I cannot just sit around waiting for them to fall in my lap.
I have to... nudge things along.

And so I will.


  1. I, on the other hand, can get into universities I want to get into even when it's unrealistic.

    now that's dark magic.

  2. Kristiina, I wish you the best of luck trying to fuck that guy!!

  3. Ahahaha, Tom, I don't even know how you found this! But thank you.