My stepmother called me a libertinaje today. It's pronounced "lee-burr-tea-na-hey" and it's Spanish for:
"A disrespectful attitude towards the law; a person who abuses his/her own moral and ethical boundaries"
I want to tell you I have no respect towards the law. I want to tell you I have no ethical or moral boundaries that are known by others but to be quite honest I can't completely lie to you either. This is the internet, and here it's acceptable to lay so much bullshit on a chocolate cake even Hellen Keller's anosmic cousin would be able to tell. (Think about it, it makes sense. Or maybe I'm just really tired).
The worst part is, being called a libertinaje, or I guess in English it's libertine, I didn't feel offended but I felt like I should have been offended. Which is pretty damn close to actually being offended. I even know it's not true because I do have ethical and moral boundaries, but they're not based on the law, or any religion/group/cult/whatever. They are based on what I want to or do not want to do, or what does or does not make me feel like shit.
With that said I won't bore you with my boundaries and such things, especially since they're quite ridiculous.
But I won't leave you either.
It's occured to me that different things coming from different people mean different things to me. When my stepmother calls me a libertine I almost feel offended. I feel like she's calling me a junkie, an alcoholic, a slag, a murderer, a thief and everything else you can imagine at the same time. However if someone else were to call me a libertine, I'd feel like I'm being called strong willed and take-no-crap-from-no-fascist-pig-dick-heads, or something equivalent.
Yet neither is right, and neither is wrong.
It might not be sunny but it doesn't mean it's bad weather.
On another note, yet on the same composition, I still have continuing mental ambiguosity about the same issue as on previous blogposts.
If a fly is trapped in a spiderweb, how does it get out?
But who is to say I'm a fly and what I might fly into is a spiderweb?
Why must I compare myself to a fly when I could compare myself to a whale?
Instead of flying into a spiderweb I can join another whale for a ride.
I don't need to wrestle free before being served for 5pm tea, I could just swim away when I need to. If I need to.
Who is to say it's a fly and a spider and a web?
It can be a whale and a whale and the big blue ocean, vast and open and beautiful, awaiting more chances if this one doesn't work.
I think I'm just a coward when it comes to these things.
Let's get some alcohol into this short body of mine, and allow for some emotional growth.